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Greenhouse Academy (Spoilers)

So I think about my dad all the time of course. Recently I had a dream about my dad. So spoiler alert, I was watching this show on Netflix called Greenhouse Academy. It is a terrible awful show but I couldn't not watch it. Anyway at the very beginning the two kids watch as their mother takes off in a space shuttle and the thing explodes with her assumed unexpected death. Later on, and here's the spoiler, they find out she actually was able to eject, but has been hidden in an induced comatose state because of a crazy earthquake conspiracy. So in the finale when the family is all reunited, I dreamt about my dad that night. These are still my favorite dreams. I was also pissed in the dream because everyone had lied to me about him being dead. But I got to hug him and it always FEELS like a real hug from him, so for that I am grateful. Things I wish I could tell him or for him to see: Donovan can roller blade (not so great yet, but he doesn't have to hold my hand on an eve
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Current/Future Shows I wish We Could Watch Together

The Librarian - Has a nice warehouse 13 kind of feel Star Trek Discovery - We watched Star Trek Enterprise in it's entirety as it aired (despite it's failings). I think that we would start watching this just as much whether it is going to be great or terrible. the return of America's Next Top Model on VH1 - for obvious reasons, we would reignite our love of watching people model and fail or succeed. GLOW - Hilarious, brutal and honest. The Expanse - I haven't been able to get too into this show, but I think part of this is that I would need someone to regularly discuss things with Westword - Battlestar Galactica the prequel Unnamed Battlestar Galactica movie - for obvious reasons... Voltron - This would have been so cool to have Donovan, Papoo and I to enjoy together (and Kevin could come too) The Magicians - Scifi + Fantasy + wildly inappropriate at times? Perfect! The new iteration of Once Upon a Time - We watched this together already but I think we
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I just wish I could call

I've been avoiding writing for a while. I am distracted and busy. I still think about my dad on a daily basis and tear up every time almost. There's so many times everyday that I want to call him and tell him everything I am doing. I want to tell him I get to go to Vegas for a conference to present a poster and how exciting it is and wish I could meet him there. I want to tell him how Donovan asks to call him sometimes and so we listen to the two voicemails I have left and how Donovan can still recognize him in pictures and his voice. I want to tell him how Kevin's doing really well in his program and even though we are in the final stretch it is still hard. I want to have Donovan visit and see him. Kevin's going to take him next time Donovan is in California. I miss my dad, every second of every day. :(
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Car

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My father was somewhat of an eccentric and comfortable with it and I feel that it made me much more accepting of my own eccentricities. My father was with me when I bought my Hyundai Elantra  and I always appreciated his guidance. When he decided that he wanted a Hyundai Veloster, I got to go with him then too. In fact, my name was put down on it also because he got to use my military discount. Recently, my father's car has come to live with me in Texas. I decided, I don't know if it was for myself or my mother, that I wouldn't change anything he had done to it. And I am going to admit, he did quite a bit: There's also some raiders and a very large array on the driver side window. I think my dad had plans to put more anime ladies on the sides. I feel very blessed to now be the proud owner of the KOENKA license plate. Driving his car is bitter sweet. Everything about it reminds me of him and sometimes when I am on my traffic-filled drive home, I tear up think
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Six Flags

When I was a kid, I went to Six Flags with my dad. There's two things I remember. One is, he took me on my first roller coaster, although at the time I had no idea. Ninja didn't really look like the big scary roller coasters and it wasn't till I was older that I discovered that it was my first. Later my brother would take me on Cyclone where I was in tears with fear. The other memory concerns a very different ride. I forget what it was called, but it involved a cylinder shaped room that spins and the floor drops while you stick to the wall. My dad has always been a pretty big guy and I remember as the floor started dropping and I started sticking to the wall, I must have been ten, I saw my dad just slide down. I remember him smiling and laughing and he was always so positive about himself. I think to this day the reason I always give everyone a smile, strangers and friends alike, is because that's what I saw him do.
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Butt Pillow

My dad went on the drive out to San Antonio in May with my brother, DoJo, Kevin and myself. He likes to be the one driving a lot and for his comfort, he brought one of the couch pillows from Simi with him. It took me a while to realize later that one of the throw pillows on my couch wasn't actually supposed to be there and didn't match the rest. My dad left me his butt pillow.
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The Day to Day Sad Blessings

I think about my dad all the time. Donovan sees a picture of him on his wall everyday and can point out his Papoo. I have a voicemail from my dad on my phone that we listened to this morning. Donovan misses him too, but his complete innocence of the understanding of the situation is a sad happiness. He'll always know who is Papoo was and what his voice even sounds like thanks to technology and me not keeping up to date on deleting my voicemails. Sad blessings. It is still hard to be thankful for these little things on the day to day when there is still the overwhelming sadness and longing to hold my Daddy. Things I will be so glad for later. Anytime anything interesting happens in my life, I want to call him. And then there is the twinge of sadness that comes right after with the realization that I can't. Everything that I like in my life, almost coincides with things I did with my dad. Battlestar Galactica, Star Trek, Star Wars, Hockey, Reading. It's all things that re
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