Memories of Daddy

I've been avoiding writing for a while. I am distracted and busy. I still think about my dad on a daily basis and tear up every time almost. There's so many times everyday that I want to call him and tell him everything I am doing. I want to tell him I get to go to Vegas for a conference to present a poster and how exciting it is and wish I could meet him there. I want to tell him how Donovan asks to call him sometimes and so we listen to the two voicemails I have left and how Donovan can still recognize him in pictures and his voice. I want to tell him how Kevin's doing really well in his program and even though we are in the final stretch it is still hard. I want to have Donovan visit and see him. Kevin's going to take him next time Donovan is in California. I miss my dad, every second of every day. :(

My father was somewhat of an eccentric and comfortable with it and I feel that it made me much more accepting of my own eccentricities. My father was with me when I bought my Hyundai Elantra  and I always appreciated his guidance. When he decided that he wanted a Hyundai Veloster, I got to go with him then too. In fact, my name was put down on it also because he got to use my military discount. Recently, my father's car has come to live with me in Texas. I decided, I don't know if it was for myself or my mother, that I wouldn't change anything he had done to it. And I am going to admit, he did quite a bit: There's also some raiders and a very large array on the driver side window. I think my dad had plans to put more anime ladies on the sides. I feel very blessed to now be the proud owner of the KOENKA license plate. Driving his car is bitter sweet. Everything about it reminds me of him and sometimes when I am on my traffic-filled drive home, I tear up think

When I was a kid, I went to Six Flags with my dad. There's two things I remember. One is, he took me on my first roller coaster, although at the time I had no idea. Ninja didn't really look like the big scary roller coasters and it wasn't till I was older that I discovered that it was my first. Later my brother would take me on Cyclone where I was in tears with fear. The other memory concerns a very different ride. I forget what it was called, but it involved a cylinder shaped room that spins and the floor drops while you stick to the wall. My dad has always been a pretty big guy and I remember as the floor started dropping and I started sticking to the wall, I must have been ten, I saw my dad just slide down. I remember him smiling and laughing and he was always so positive about himself. I think to this day the reason I always give everyone a smile, strangers and friends alike, is because that's what I saw him do.

My dad went on the drive out to San Antonio in May with my brother, DoJo, Kevin and myself. He likes to be the one driving a lot and for his comfort, he brought one of the couch pillows from Simi with him. It took me a while to realize later that one of the throw pillows on my couch wasn't actually supposed to be there and didn't match the rest. My dad left me his butt pillow.

I think about my dad all the time. Donovan sees a picture of him on his wall everyday and can point out his Papoo. I have a voicemail from my dad on my phone that we listened to this morning. Donovan misses him too, but his complete innocence of the understanding of the situation is a sad happiness. He'll always know who is Papoo was and what his voice even sounds like thanks to technology and me not keeping up to date on deleting my voicemails. Sad blessings. It is still hard to be thankful for these little things on the day to day when there is still the overwhelming sadness and longing to hold my Daddy. Things I will be so glad for later. Anytime anything interesting happens in my life, I want to call him. And then there is the twinge of sadness that comes right after with the realization that I can't. Everything that I like in my life, almost coincides with things I did with my dad. Battlestar Galactica, Star Trek, Star Wars, Hockey, Reading. It's all things that re